fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
