I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
