i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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