Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
