Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
