Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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