my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
