So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
