He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize