I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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