Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
