I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize