I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
