Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
