It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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