omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
