So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
