He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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