If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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