Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
