Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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