there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
