That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
