if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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