He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
