i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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