i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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