Is it normal to miss your booty call?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
