he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
