There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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