How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
