I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
