Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
