I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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