How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
