I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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