guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
