I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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