I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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