i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize