I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
