i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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