Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
