okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
