okay pat passed out under dana's car
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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