fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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