I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
