Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
this will be a night to untag.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
