trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
