oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
