The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
