I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize