My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
