Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
In other news, I just burned my penis
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
