ya dads aren't the best wingmen
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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