Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
