I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
