just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
