You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
