highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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