Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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