ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
