I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
