Welp...herpes.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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