Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
