i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize