Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
