I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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