did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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