she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
