Kiss
Puke
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I came so hard my ears popped.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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