i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
