So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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