I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
