Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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