the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
