i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish you could order shots online.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
