This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
