Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
