I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
