In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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