Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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