3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
