you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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