Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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