I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
