i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Help. Why am I so naked?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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