hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
