mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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