Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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