He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
