If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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