we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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