I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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