Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
