he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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