Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
