Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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