I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
