I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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