Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
