people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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